To make matters worse

I have a very close friend, J.

We made plans to drive up north (a good 10 hours) to drop off her son to her ex-husband on New Year's Day. Needless to say, this was all decided before we found out our birth mother had backed out of our adoption on Thursday night.

Matt spoke to J on Thursday night and explained that I wasn't ready to talk on the phone, that I was too upset.  She sent me a text message saying that she would understand if I didn't want to talk but that she was there when I did feel up to it.

Friday, after Matt had gotten his last minute leave approved, he texted J and told her that with everything that happened that we had decided to go home and be near our family for Christmas, my birthday, and NYE.  Makes sense, right?

J's response:

Really

From that night on until yesterday, J ignored our text messages and phone calls.  She finally responded to Matt's texts and explained that she thought "we were better friends than that" to have heard about us leaving via a text message.

Are you kidding me?!?!?!

What kind of a friend gets upset if I tell her something via a text message or a phone call?

I mean, clearly, I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone for those first few days.  I didn't even talk to my other two best friends (one of whom went into labor that very night).  They understood.  They didn't question my motives with texting versus calling.  They just wanted me to know that they were there.  One of them (not the pregnant one) offered to fly out the next day to be with us, or offered to pay for our airfare home or cover the cost of gas.  That is what true friends do.

And J, who lives 3 hours away (not half the country!) didn't offer to do any of that.

I wound up sending J an e-mail the night before last.  I basically wrote that she should know in her heart that she is one of my best friends.  I dropped everything when they PCSed from Germany to Georgia.  I stayed with them for a week at a time, twice.  Once to show them around the area and find them housing and the other time to help them unpack when all of their household goods arrived.  I drove to and from Georgia to up north to pick up her son and return him - 2 trips round way - within a time span of 6 days.  I told her I didn't understand why I had to justify my not calling.

Did my going home inconvenience her?  Yes, it did - I mean who was going to share the drive to up north now.  For that I told her I was sorry.  But come on, really?

She shouldn't make me feel bad for wanting to be with my family when my whole world just got turned upside down.  And that is exactly how she made me feel.

I texted her yesterday (because she ignored all my phone calls - like straight to voicemail ignored) and then she would text back.  I explained to her that I didn't want to have this conversation via a text message.  She replied back with, "Yet you told me you were going home in one."

I tried to explain as best as I could my position, where I was coming from, but with texts that is next to impossible.

She has since ignored my attempts at getting in touch with her.

My Mom has a saying, "Be wary of the friends you have to explain yourself too."

I guess she was right.